Scared to Weigh In

I weigh in tomorrow on Weight Watchers. In the 9 days before I started WW I did My Fitness Pal and lost 4.2 pounds. But I got on my scale today and was up .4 pounds. I have followed Weight Watchers so easily this week, maybe it was too easy? I had a good number of points left every day, and I know people say to eat more points, but I'm not hungry! And if I do eat more, I prefer fruit, which is 0 points. The majority of my points this week were spent on fats. Since I am a night owl, I don't eat until around 1pm, and 3 eggs and a slice of light toast with a teeny bit of butter is 1 point. If I want a snack, I have fruit or veggies.  Then I have a dinner of grilled chicken or shrimp & … [Read more...]

Weight Watchers…Again

Giving Weight Watchers Another Try It has been 19-20 months since I posted on this blog, and in that time, I have gained another 19-20 pounds! I was so excited to try Jasinda's plan and go sugar free. But when everyone else in the group was showing a ton of progress and nothing was happening for me, it really made me feel even worse. I also found it unrealistically hard for me because I don't cook much, my connective tissue disorder got way worse from walking, and my husband and son were still eating pizza and crap. So I've been very seriously considering the gastric sleeve surgery. I've done a lot of research, and I have seen so many successes. But what I'm finding is that those that … [Read more...]

This Big Girl Is Gonna Do It!

I keep starting and stopping this blog. I get really into it when I'm on a new diet, then after a few weeks, when I'm back to my normal eating, I abandon this page. Sure, I lose 10-20 lbs, but I put it back on, with some interest within weeks. I'm a sugar junkie. And I mean junkie in a very real sense. It's a drug to me. I can't remember the last day I went without a sweet treat. But it isn't just sugar, it's carbs as well. And cheese. I look like I'm 8 months pregnant. I have front butt. I'm a size 20. But my husband and older son struggle to GAIN weight (fuckers). My younger son and I just look at food and another jelly roll appears. THEY can eat whatever they want and do. And … [Read more...]

Happy 2016!

It has been a LONG time since I have been active here! But with the first Monday of 2015, I am ready to begin this journey again. I'm actually still about 5 lbs less than when I last tracked in February 2015, thank goodness. I have been scared to weigh myself for the last 10 weeks. Today I bit the bullet and went for it. If I can't be accountable to myself at least, I will never get anywhere. 2015 was a great year and a really bad year. My son (who is now 18) was playing in a band about 4 nights a week at various bars and restaurants. There was lots of drinking, and eating out as well as other indulgences. It was amazing to see my son play with a band that has been around for 25 years and … [Read more...]

I Hate My Body

It’s not cool. It’s not new. It’s not politically correct. And it can’t be overcome by just saying “stop!” I hate my body so much it affects every aspect of my life. I'm not "curvy", I'm fat. I can't embrace my "curves". When I was curvy (and I was--I had an hourglass figure before kids, now I am an apple) I did embrace it. Sure, I had a big butt, and some mean girls would let me know, but the guys liked it. I wasn't one of those girls like my son's ex who talks about how much she hates herself while she has pictures in a bikini all over Facebook. I always had a bit of a struggle with my weight, but as I've gotten older, weight won...and I have basically given up. Otherwise, I love my … [Read more...]

We Are Who We Are Guest Post by Melissa Collins

Guest post from Author Melissa Collins: I recently saw a Facebook post from one of my long-time friends who wrote that her six-year-old daughter came home from school one day complaining that she was “fat.” Now, I had only just had lunch with my friend and her daughter over the holiday break and I can one-thousand percent testify to the fact that her daughter is most definitely not fat.  She is intelligent and creative, shy but inquisitive – in short, she’s pretty much a dream come true. But even if she was “fat”, would her “fatness” negate all of those things. Does being “fat” make you less intelligent? Less important? Less worthy of love? No, it doesn’t, but somewhere along the way, … [Read more...]

Crash Diet or Lifestyle Change?

I'm good at crash dieting. If I can lose 20-30 pounds in a month I'm all over that shit. Unfortunately I usually make it for about 5 weeks, lost that 30 pounds, then stuff my face and gain it back plus 10 pounds for my trouble. I do this about once a year. Those extra 10 pounds a year for years makes for a very big girl. 19 years ago, I lost 43 pounds on Weight Watchers and kept most of it off for 2 years till I got pregnant. To lose that weight I was obsessive. And I ended up way too skinny to maintain. I worked out twice a day. I didn't have kids yet, so counting exchanges (the program back then was before points) was kind of fun. I liked the puzzle every day of how I would divide my … [Read more...]