My motivation is sucking

I'm working on staying motivated. I did some drinking Saturday Night, (rum and diet coke), ate pizza at a concert, and didn't count points all weekend. For Mother's Day we had my favorite, Japanese hibachi. Though it's just meat and veggies, I have no idea what else that stuff is cooked in. Monday I had a peanut butter meltdown (my weakness). You would think after last week of no loss, I would get back to trying really hard to lose weight. But it's not happening. My activelink is keeping me motivated though, and I'm committing to track every bite from today on. This is a commitment. I am going every week for 1 year minimum. I can do this, even if it's slow. Even if I have a bad day, or … [Read more...]

Super Nerd Princess Begins Her Journey

I have an unhealthy relationship with food. If this were Facebook, I’d click “It’s complicated.” I love food. I love its smell, its taste, its...ok I need to stop. Anyway, I took my kid to the park the other day and had the most brilliant idea to have my picture taken with him. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be a big deal but when you’re so large you actually BLOCK THE SUN, it’s something to take into consideration. I came home and wept. Real tears. And then I ate. Why? Because food is comforting. I’m so big already, what’s the difference if I have 4 quarter pounders and a large fry? And maybe some of my son's small fry? I’m beyond help. After my self loathing concluded, I … [Read more...]

I was a Baaaaaad Girl

I was a bit out of control with my eating this weekend. I would have been OK on Saturday if I didn't drink Saturday night. Then Sunday I went to see IronMan 3 and ate enough buttered movie theater popcorn to choke a cow. I tried to find points for the popcorn and couldn't. So sadly, I didn't even track on Sunday. But today is Monday. I'm back to being good. I'm assuming in my head that I used up my 49 points for the week and I started fresh today. Well, you know...it's Monday. I love how I can always start clean on a Monday. Thank goodness weigh-in isn't until Friday. … [Read more...]

I’m excited!

I began this journey on Weight Watchers kind of reluctantly. Usually when I start a new diet I am so gung-ho, and all I want to do is find out HOW LONG it took everyone to lose the weight. Now I have no deadline. Just a commitment to go to meetings once per week. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be a nice size 14. (My size 18 pants have been getting snug). I knew I had to do something. But this isn't all or nothing. Thank fuck, because I would have failed numerous times already, and given up. I love that I can eat anything, but this forces me to make the better choices. I'm still struggling with eating a lot of junk, but I am aware of what I'm eating because I have to write it … [Read more...]

Lessons From My First Week of Weight Watchers

A Dozen Thoughts About My First Week: 1: The first week of anything is easy and fun 2: I need the meetings. 3: Track Track Track, if you're not gonna track, don't bother. 4: You really can eat anything without guilt, but you may have to sacrifice other things to eat it (how many diets let you drink alcohol?) 5: The meeting leaders and staff do make a difference! When I walked in for my first weigh-in, the leader gave me a hug and asked how I did. She seemed genuinely excited to see me. The 3 women that work there are also about my age, and all have great success stories, and look phenomenal. My previous experiences had leaders that were all WAY older than me. 6: Even though I … [Read more...]

I got an ActiveLink!

I am about as sedentary as you get. I sit on my ass at the computer all day. If I'm not blogging, I'm reading. Having Lyme disease (or fibromyalgia--it's basically the same) makes motivation to move that much worse, because it hurts to move! But I can't sit around like a blob forever either. I picked up the weight watchers ActiveLink at my meeting last week. It measures your activities throughout the day with a full accelerometer. The you plug it into your computer and it assesses your day and awards you points! For me, it isn't really the points I was looking for, just some motivation. I am completely sedentary, and this monitors you throughout the day. First you wear it for 7 days … [Read more...]

Kitchen Clean Out

One of the parts of Weight Watchers 360 is "Spaces". The first thing they encourage you to do is clean out your pantry and refrigerator. Hide the good (but not good on Weight Watchers) stuff in opaque containers and have the stuff you SHOULD be eating front and center. I had shit that expired last summer! Pantry, fridge and freezer cleaned. BAM! I also went shopping and filled up the fridge with lots of fruits, veggies, egg whites, fat free cheese and lean meats. I'm doing my best to drink lots of water too. Considering the fact that I almost peed myself twice today, I must be doing a good job. Baby steps... … [Read more...]

I bit the bullet and joined Weight Watchers

I did it. I bit the bullet and joined Weight Watchers. I am halfway in between two offices. Each are about 20 minutes away with no highway and lots of traffic. I tend to be late to everything, a lot. I was late to my wedding, and the scheduled c-section for my youngest son! I have joined the one on the other side of my city about 10 times. Never made it past week 5. Either I would have to skip a meeting, or was running so late I didn't bother. Also, I was the only non-senior citizen in the room. I go to the 12:30 meetings, and they all have white hair and a cane. (I live in Florida…nuff said). When I was successful on WW in the past, it was at a satellite meeting close to home with a … [Read more...]

Guest Post: Things Not To Say To a Thick Chick

By Guest Reviewer, Kerry G 1. "You have such a pretty face, if only..." What, if only I lost weight? I struggle sometimes to not place my self-worth solely on my outside. Most women do. If someone's pretty, weight shouldn't change that. We all have beauty and worth that have nothing to do with looks. 2. "It's not that hard, just eat less and exercise more" Really? Wow, that never occurred to me. I know all about nutrition. And exercise. But if it were that easy, we would all be thin. But it's not. It's motivation. It's willpower. It's support. These aren't excuses, they're my struggles. I'm not dense. I'm thick. 3. "Don't you want to be thin?" No, I want to be a healthy … [Read more...]

Did I Just Flush Money Down the Toilet?

So I went out driving locally the other day to find a local diet center. So local that I would have no excuse not to go. Honestly, I wish there was just a Weight Watchers nearby, but the closest one is 25 minutes away. I know myself, I'm late to everything. I won't go. I've joined 20 times, and never end up wanting to drive to an area I'm never near. So I found someplace I could walk to.  It was a local chiropractor's office that used to do the HCG diet and has now moved to another program. I didn't like the guy. He's my "coach" but felt more like a used car salesperson. He talked over me. But I knew I had to do something. And I NEED the accountability of someone weighing me in. So I went … [Read more...]

What Is It About Repeating Diets?

What is it about repeating diets? I have been on every diet. I am a lifetime member of Weight Watchers from when the dinosaurs roamed the earth and they had exchanges. I was 27. I had no kids. I worked out 2x a day, and was taking the now banned ephedra. I lost 43 pounds and got down to a size 3/4....for a day. (I wasn't even that skinny when I was a high school cheerleader) I kept most of the weight off for 2 years until I had my first kid. Then I quit smoking and gained 65 pounds. I actually left the hospital heavier than when I went in, but I dropped a whole baby! WHAT.THE.FUCK??? That's when I tried all sorts of diets, I'd lose 20, gain 30. I developed joint pain so I could … [Read more...]

Why I’m Chubby

I admit it. I'm not one of those people who says "I don't understand why I'm fat!"  I know why. I eat crap all day and don't exercise. Plain and simple. I go on crash diets. I lose a chunk of weight but never hit goal. Then I gain it all back with interest. Every time I start with healthy eating...number one, I have issues with number 2...haha, in other words fiber does not work in my body. Runs in the family. It makes dieting a little more challenging, but of course, EXC-- USE. What else is new? Right? Do you really want to know what my excuse is? I'm fucking lazy, and I'm happy. Yup! I'm happy! Am I happy with my body? No. I hate it. But obviously not as much as I hate not eating … [Read more...]

Guest Post by Rachel O’h-Uiginn

The Repairer: How I learned being overweight doesn’t mean I am broken   By: Rachel O’h-Uiginn, CEO & founder, Undercurrent Coaching for Curvy Gals Since the age of twelve, I’ve been overweight. All of my adult life I’ve been overweight. But since the age of twelve I’ve also thought something was wrong with me because I was overweight. I was then and still am a very physically active person, eat healthy meals, and could tell you in perfect detail about the Weight Watchers program (lost 50lbs once) and how best to train for a 5K race. Yet still, I’ve cried many times asking “what is wrong with me? Why can’t I actually lose/keep off weight?” and each time I do, I feel myself … [Read more...]

How am I Old? I Still Think Like a Kid!

Recently I went away for Wicked Girls Book Weekend, and found myself at the older end of the spectrum. What? When the fuck did I get OLD? I mean I found myself hanging out with a few girls that have MOTHERS younger than me! WTF? I'm in my mid 40s. I have a second grader and a teenager, so they keep me kind of young. Most people tell me I look way younger, but really, who is going to say I look my age? I think that having the extra fat just puffs out my wrinkles. But I'm sure my fair skin and my avoidance of sun have helped. My husband is significantly older than me, I think he looks pretty hot too, despite the hair loss. I consider us the "younger" group of the people my age. There … [Read more...]

Why Girl Scouts? Why?

And I have NEVER been able to understand WHY the Girl Scouts sell cookies starting in January. Hello? I just made my dieting resolution 3 days before those cookies went on sale! They get me when my will power is the strongest! Start selling those things in  April or May, or better yet September/October and I can guarantee I will grab a few boxes, but January? No. Maybe that is their money for the rest of the year? Maybe they need to change that. Because if I feel that way, I know I can't be the only one. … [Read more...]

Spanx You Very Much!

Yesterday I had a funny post on the facebook page for this blog. Kari said  "So, I've decided that getting into Spanx right after a shower should count towards my daily workout. :)" It got me thinking about some of the Spanx incidents in my life. After I had my first C-section and had to go back to work every day, I purchased some high waisted granny-panty control-type thingies. I wore them every day over my underwear. Then one day I stopped wearing them. I live in Florida. I was in sales, and it's really fucking hot to wear a non-breathable nylon tourniquet thingy. Plus, they started to roll down and I would be pulling up these things all the time. Since I became heavy, I stopped … [Read more...]

Well-Meaning Family and Friends

They love you. They care about you. They want you to be happy. They want you to be healthy. So they remind you all the time how big you are and ways you can change it. Or they tell you what to eat, or scold you when you eat. Or they hear about a new diet and call to tell you about it....daily. Or they just say something stupid, like "why don't you just eat less". My parents are AWESOME. They have been great parents my whole life. But they are perfect. My sisters are perfect too. Then there is me. I don't fit into the perfect mold. They don't get it. How come I'm not a size 6? What did they do wrong? THEY exercised and kept active their whole life. They watch what they eat (well, actually, … [Read more...]

How Your Body Image Can Change You

It's amazing how different I am since I became heavy. I used to be a figure skater, a dancer, I sang in a band, I was in every play. I was an attention whore. As I got older, I sold advertising, and was confident and flirted my way to be the best salesperson in the company. Now? Total opposite. I had a crazy weekend that I was in charge of this past weekend. As a blogger under an assumed name, I liked being anonymous, where nobody knew who I was and I can hide behind my computer. But to be out there and having to be at the center of things when I'm heavier than ever wasn't as easy as it may have appeared. This may sound awful, but we are all friends here. Since I was ordering shirts … [Read more...]

My Valentine’s Guest Post and Giveaway!

I am so grateful that I was invited to the Fools for Luv blog to do a guest post. It's all about body image, sexiness and how hot and sexy books can help. One of may favorite authors, Cherise Sinclair, has also graciously offered to give away one of her hot novels that feature a curvy heroine with body issues, Master of the Mountain, part of the Mountain Masters Series by Cherise Sinclair. Please pop on over there and leave a comment, and enter to win! … [Read more...]

New Year’s Resolution Failure

I have a big weekend away that I can't wait for next weekend. I am meeting my idols--14 amazing authors, and 80 other women, many who are fans of my other blog, Ana's Attic Book Blog. I really wanted to look my best. Especially after I just came back from an all inclusive gorge-my-faceathon vacation over New Year's. If I REALLY wanted to, I could have easily lost 20 pounds in the 5 weeks by going on the Smart for Life Cookie diet. It is the one diet that always works for me, because, well, I like cookies! These are pretty good too. I went, paid my money, did the Doctor visit. Then that same day, I strangely lost hearing in one of my ears. (Totally unrelated). The ear doctor put me on large … [Read more...]