When Your Teen is Smarter Than You

I'm not stupid. I graduated college with a 3.98. But that was a LONG time ago. All that knowledge has disappeared into a cloud of pot smoke. Seriously, when I substitute teach, I won't even teach 6th grade math. Ugh, math. I hated it then, I hate it even more now. I may know more about life than my son, but I have to admit, he knows more about a LOT of stuff compared to me. He is in 11th grade and taking 3 AP courses (he has already taken two) and is in all advanced classes. He is busy learning every day, while I'm reading dirty books and spending my day on Facebook and twitter. So yeah, at this point, the fucker is smarter than me, at least book wise. But there is the key word … [Read more...]

The Fucking C-Section Shelf Pooch

It's all their faults, the fuckers. 2 C-sections. Now I have this THING. Granted, I'm on the fat side. But it's so concentrated in my lower belly above my scar it's strange looking! (That is NOT my belly...mine is bigger) What is this gigantic thing hanging from my body? Before kids I had a butt, but my waist was ridiculously small and I had no tummy. My mom used to have to take in my jeans at the waist. My whole family has big butts and small waists and chests. Then I got pregnant and gained 65 points with my first kid (I actually came out of the hospital weighing more than when I went in to give birth and never took a pound off). Every pound was in my stomach. For years, people … [Read more...]

Weight Debate: Nature vs. Nurture

I have two boys. One is 16, 5'10.5" and 125 pounds soaking wet. The other is a third grader, born chubby, and still is. Now if you look at mom and dad, you see the difference as well. Dad is all muscle, without an ounce of fat. He has to try to stay at 150, but often dips below (fucker). Me...lets just say I weigh a lot more. My husband and oldest son LOVE junk food, and my teen eats it non-stop. My husband just forgets to eat. (WTF? Who forgets to eat?) My little guy is not a big eater. He eats regular portion sizes. But he loves his sweets. Mr. Ana and my little guy are also the pickiest eaters ever (Mr. Ana is ridiculous, he eats like 5 things), so finding healthier choices isn't … [Read more...]

WTF happened to Summer?

I had such plans....I was going to do so much with the kids this summer since they only had 4 weeks of camp and 2 weeks away. That left 4 whole weeks of NOTHING. Museums, zoos, water parks, movies, the trampoline place....all the places I planned on taking them, and....didn't. At first, I was so busy planning for Wicked Book GNO, then I was getting ready for our trip, then I was catching up from our trip and planning the next Wicked Book Weekend. Nobody is complaining, but I totally feel like a crap mom. At least we shoved so much into the 2 weeks and the kids had the time of their lives, that they are completely happy. Through all of this, I have been so busy I never even went food … [Read more...]

No Photographs Please

When I am gone, my kids will have so few photos of me. I HATE myself in photos. I have a few good ones, but I avoid the camera like the plague. I have a GAZILLION photos and videos of my kids. Hard drives filled with them. With both kids being performers now, I have filmed EVERY performance, sometimes in triplicate. But me??? Out of the 30,000 photos in my iPhoto library from the past few years, I would say I'm in 25. Book Bash was last week. As I met the authors, they asked if I wanted to be in photos with them. I responded once, "It's not about me, it's about you guys", which is true. But really, I didn't want to ruin my one chance at a photo of my idols with my double chin. I know … [Read more...]

Rocker Mom

I'm a Rocker Mom. Literally. My 15 year old has been in a band since he was 12, and performed even before that. He has been going to School of Rock since he was 10. The program there is to teach classic rock to kids, and then after 3 months they put on a show at a live music venue. Usually bars. Smoky, bras-hanging from the ceiling, liquor lining the stage bars. He first asked for a guitar at 4. His pre-school music teacher had one, and he wanted one just like hers. He was hooked, and got an electric guitar from Santa a few months later. Now I have to tell you here, we have a HUGE collection of classic rock CDs. Both of my kids were named for Beatles. But neither my husband or … [Read more...]

I’ve Been So Lucky

I'm so lucky. I have some amazing dads in my life. I read, a lot. And so often I read about people with horrible childhoods. I thank my lucky stars I grew up with a great family and my daddy is my hero. I remember him working a lot of hours, but he was very successful, and the hours he put in were worth it. I knew that young. Still, he was home for a late dinner with his family almost every night. He never missed any events or plays. He is a phenomenal husband who loves my mom like crazy. And I'm scared shitless of losing him. As his 80's approach, however, I still don't see my parents as old. They still have a great love and a great life. They travel the country to be at all of their … [Read more...]