Going Overboard for the Holidays

My husband grew up going overboard for the holidays. His parents would go broke and into debt for Christmas, and my guy is no different. I LOVE Christmas. Since I'm Jewish, I didn't grow up with it, so I tend to overcompensate now. My 12 foot tree, and a house filled with decorations are one part, be we also tend to go crazy with gifts. I say we, but it's not really we. It's HIM. 12 foot tree not withstanding, I tend to be the more practical one. It's how I was raised. My husband is so careful with money, but at Christmas, all bets are off. As the kids get older, they want more expensive items. But because we want them to have lots of surprises to open, we tend to get a little too much … [Read more...]

Real Christmas Tree vs. Fake Tree?

Maybe because I didn't grow up with Christmas. Maybe it's because I like them huge, but to me it's a no-brainer. I love going and picking out a tree at the tree tents. It is stupidly stressful because if I'm spending between $150 and $200 on a tree, it better be fucking perfect. The asshats at Home Depot (which has the cheapest big trees by far) never know when they are getting new ones in, and don't even bother calling first, you can't get a person who knows anything. As I said, we like them BIG. 12 feet+ is hard to find! But once I get it in the house, I love the smell. I even love the sap and the needles. It's Christmas to me! I love the fact that my tree is different every year. I … [Read more...]

Celebrating the holidays as a mixed religion family

My kids are pizza bagels. Half Jewish and half Italian (Catholic), they are brought up with the traditions of both religions.  My husband was brought up to go into debt every Christmas and that Santa gets the kids everything on their list. Unfortunately, that traditions has continued here. (More on that tomorrow.) I have always loved Christmas. I'm Jewish, and was not brought up with a Hanukkah bush or anything like that. We had a menorah. Period. But my dad and I would go for a ride and look at the lights every year. I loved that. I must say though, I was jealous of all of the families with their sparkly decorations and always wanted that. I met my now-husband at Christmas. I went to … [Read more...]

She Deserves the Egging

I'm not advocating egging or toilet papering someone's house on Halloween, but if anyone deserves it, it's the bitch who hands out this note instead of candy, a toy, pretzels, or even nothing on Halloween. FUCK HER. It takes a village my ass. Butt out of Halloween, whore! Geez, it is one day a year, let the kids get their candy in a tradition that's been around since she was a kid. I bet she didn't even need to wear that witch costume. … [Read more...]

When Your Teen is Smarter Than You

I'm not stupid. I graduated college with a 3.98. But that was a LONG time ago. All that knowledge has disappeared into a cloud of pot smoke. Seriously, when I substitute teach, I won't even teach 6th grade math. Ugh, math. I hated it then, I hate it even more now. I may know more about life than my son, but I have to admit, he knows more about a LOT of stuff compared to me. He is in 11th grade and taking 3 AP courses (he has already taken two) and is in all advanced classes. He is busy learning every day, while I'm reading dirty books and spending my day on Facebook and twitter. So yeah, at this point, the fucker is smarter than me, at least book wise. But there is the key word … [Read more...]

Making Me Clean

Starting on Monday is my motto with everything, not just dieting. I'm the queen of procrastination. I work way better under pressure, which is why I tend to write best after midnight when I want my post up the next morning. I'm also a bit of a slob and a pack rat. I have a cleaning lady once a week, and she just shoves my stuff wherever she can so she can clean beneath it. My bathroom counter is full. But I can't clean that up until I make room in my drawers and under the sink. Right now my drawers get stuck when I open them, and things fall on my toes when I open the cabinet under my sink. But when I start cleaning, I make it worse. I start emptying drawers to clean them...then I get … [Read more...]

Spanx to the rescue?

I'm not sure if it's Spanx to the rescue or I need a rescue from my Spanx! My kids were playing (they're in a band) at a safari themed fundraiser the other night. It was at a fancy golf and country club, so I knew I had to dress up. Sadly, I looked in my ridiculously-overfilled-with-clothes-I-don't-wear walk-in closet and I don't own one single thing with animal print. (90% of my closet is black, grey or purple) So I went with one of my standby black maxi dresses. It's been a while since I dressed up. I'm in Florida where it's still in the high 80s, but of course I had to wear a shrug to cover my fat arms. Now the question....what to wear underneath the dress? It covers a lot, but I had … [Read more...]