I’ve Been So Lucky

I'm so lucky. I have some amazing dads in my life. I read, a lot. And so often I read about people with horrible childhoods. I thank my lucky stars I grew up with a great family and my daddy is my hero. I remember him working a lot of hours, but he was very successful, and the hours he put in were worth it. I knew that young. Still, he was home for a late dinner with his family almost every night. He never missed any events or plays. He is a phenomenal husband who loves my mom like crazy. And I'm scared shitless of losing him. As his 80's approach, however, I still don't see my parents as old. They still have a great love and a great life. They travel the country to be at all of their … [Read more...]

Another Year Older, Another Year Fatter, Wiser, Happier.

I'm old. When did this happen? My husband is 8 years older than me, and he is in his 50s!!! FIFTIES!!!!!????? WTF? How did this happen??? When did this happen? In my mind, I'm still 21. I don't look it, I look silly acting like it, but I just can't understand how I tuned old. But I'm not old! There are people that are always old. You know those people? They could be you own age but they feel so much older. Then there are the ones that hit that mid-life crises and go crazy, and others that still look awesome, even better than high school, still act young and crazy, are cool parents, and have just settled into a happy groove. That's where I am in my life...settled into a happy groove. I am … [Read more...]

Super Nerd Princess Begins Her Journey

I have an unhealthy relationship with food. If this were Facebook, I’d click “It’s complicated.” I love food. I love its smell, its taste, its...ok I need to stop. Anyway, I took my kid to the park the other day and had the most brilliant idea to have my picture taken with him. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be a big deal but when you’re so large you actually BLOCK THE SUN, it’s something to take into consideration. I came home and wept. Real tears. And then I ate. Why? Because food is comforting. I’m so big already, what’s the difference if I have 4 quarter pounders and a large fry? And maybe some of my son's small fry? I’m beyond help. After my self loathing concluded, I … [Read more...]

Does being an asshole make you a “cool kid”?

I'm sure by now you all know about the dickhead from Abercrombie & Fitch. “He doesn’t want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people,” Lewis said. “He doesn’t want his core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they’re one of the ‘cool kids.’” See the article here. Funny, my kids (even my 7 year old) look at kids wearing Abercrombie and wonder if they realize it's NOT cool to wear a brand to try to BE cool. In this day and age, where bullying is getting worse and worse with all the electronic ways to bully, this asshole is just furthering the hate. As much as I'd … [Read more...]

I’m excited!

I began this journey on Weight Watchers kind of reluctantly. Usually when I start a new diet I am so gung-ho, and all I want to do is find out HOW LONG it took everyone to lose the weight. Now I have no deadline. Just a commitment to go to meetings once per week. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be a nice size 14. (My size 18 pants have been getting snug). I knew I had to do something. But this isn't all or nothing. Thank fuck, because I would have failed numerous times already, and given up. I love that I can eat anything, but this forces me to make the better choices. I'm still struggling with eating a lot of junk, but I am aware of what I'm eating because I have to write it … [Read more...]

My Kids Played Hooky Today

Friday night my 15 year old had to decline an encore for his band because he was losing his voice and was on the verge of getting sick. Then yesterday he and my husband caught the little stomach bug I had last week (which of course did not result in any weight loss at all). Yesterday, my 7 year old also complained of a headache when his friend was here, then fell asleep before 7:00 pm. So this morning...this MONDAY morning...when the little one was saying he was "nauseated" and the big one saying he was sick, I didn't know. Are they full of shit? It's Monday after all, I used to do it too. But I've also not believed them in the past and then gotten a call from school that my kid … [Read more...]

Spring Break is for Kids not Parents

Oh Joy. The kids are out of school for a week. It's day one and I'm already exhausted and my ears hurt. Let me tell you why. I currently have eldest spawn one in the garage playing guitar. My computer is on the other side of the garage wall. He is an fucktastic guitar player, but he is incapable of playing at a normal decibel, so my walls are shaking. It's not horrible when he is playing his regular music (thank God, he plays classic rock, so I love his taste), but the vibrations that run through my house as he plays are a little crazy. Right now, he is playing with effects pedals, so it sounds like I have whale song throughout my house. From the other direction is my youngest spawn … [Read more...]

On getting dressed……

I have been home with a sick kid for a week. A WEEK! Now my husband has the flu as well. Yay me. You know what that means? No nookie. No chauffeur. No guy to run out and get a few things. So yesterday, now that he is in bed, I finally had to run out and get a few things, and drive my healthy spawn around. I realized I hadn't left my house in 4 days. FOUR FUCKING DAYS! Which comfortably meant no bras for 4 days, no tight jeans for 4 days, no makeup for 4 days. That part was kind of nice. But I have to tell you, my house is a mess. WTF? I'm home, just on the computer from the minute I wake up till 3 am. I'm not sure what the hell I've been doing, but it sure as hell hasn't been personal … [Read more...]

Fun Times at the Gyno

Woohoo for the Gynecologist! I've had enough issues over the years, that the gyno I have been going to for 9-10 years has a folder as thick as my head. The three times I tried to get pregnant, I got pregnant immediately (though one didn't make it). I had my last child at 38, and while I was on the table getting my second C-section, the Dr. asks me "Do  you want me to tie your tubes while I'm in there?" Silly me was thinking..."God forbid something happens to either of my kids, I may want another" even though I knew I was done. But when you are lying on an operating table with your guts hanging in the breeze, it's not the best time to make a life-changing decision like that. So here I am … [Read more...]

Well-Meaning Family and Friends

They love you. They care about you. They want you to be happy. They want you to be healthy. So they remind you all the time how big you are and ways you can change it. Or they tell you what to eat, or scold you when you eat. Or they hear about a new diet and call to tell you about it....daily. Or they just say something stupid, like "why don't you just eat less". My parents are AWESOME. They have been great parents my whole life. But they are perfect. My sisters are perfect too. Then there is me. I don't fit into the perfect mold. They don't get it. How come I'm not a size 6? What did they do wrong? THEY exercised and kept active their whole life. They watch what they eat (well, actually, … [Read more...]