What the Fuck is on My Face?

I'm not a kid anymore. I don't get zits often (luckily I never did), but a few times a year I get a big zit around my period. For the last few days, my upper lip has been bothering me, and today I woke up with this mambo, jumbo, three headed MONSTER on my lip!!! My whole face hurts, my mouth and mustache area are crooked, and if I could, I'd bury my head for a few days until it is gone. Or wear a sign that says "It's a zit, OK?" My 15 year old has acne. He doesn't give a crap. I do! And it hurts! It is so painful I can't fully squeeze it. Any suggestions? I was going to add a few of the zit popping videos on YouTube here, but honestly, I almost barfed up a lung when I watched one. So … [Read more...]

The Bra Fitting

I HATE bras. Hate them! The first chance I get I do the whip your bra off thing under my shirt. At any time, you may walk in my house and see a bra flung somewhere. So I look for comfort. But if I don't wear an underwire, my boobs look like a flat pool noodle is around me. I haven't been properly fitted for a bra since I put on 50 pounds. I was a 36 B, at my last fitting (that woman scarred me, she came into the dressing room and manhandled my boobies while stuffing me into a bra) and all I have done is increase the back size since. I am now a 40 B. Or so I thought. I have bought new bras lately that fit pretty well. So the other day, I popped in a store to get some clothes for the … [Read more...]

Adding some color to my wardrobe….or not

The other day I had an acquaintance tell me she thought she saw me someplace. When I told her it wasn't me she said, "I guess it just looked that way from behind because you always wear a black t-shirt and dark jeans." She is right. At last count (and I'm sure I missed a few) I had 19 of the SAME shirt, motto mention the 100 other black shirts I have bought but rarely wear because they have either gotten shorter or hug my muffin top too much. It is the plus sized boyfriend shirt from Target (see photo). Tissue weight, long and boxy, they don't show anything I don't want them to. I always layer long necklaces and long cardigans or vests, but I literally wear a fresh one every day. As … [Read more...]

Plus Sized Shopping

I fucking hate shopping for clothes, though I still do it way too often. I have to get a new outfit every time I go away. Something new to wear makes me feel a little better about myself. The problem? There are so few places to go and try stuff on for plus sized girls. We have Macy's plus, which is OK if you can dig through the old lady clothes and the way-too young for me clothes. We have one Lane Bryant around here, but they are out of 18s in almost everything all the time. We had 2 Avenues, but one closed, leaving the crappy one with really nasty salespeople. Target has some cute stuff once in a while. That's it. There is no other place within 30 minutes to shop for cute plus-sized … [Read more...]

On getting dressed……

I have been home with a sick kid for a week. A WEEK! Now my husband has the flu as well. Yay me. You know what that means? No nookie. No chauffeur. No guy to run out and get a few things. So yesterday, now that he is in bed, I finally had to run out and get a few things, and drive my healthy spawn around. I realized I hadn't left my house in 4 days. FOUR FUCKING DAYS! Which comfortably meant no bras for 4 days, no tight jeans for 4 days, no makeup for 4 days. That part was kind of nice. But I have to tell you, my house is a mess. WTF? I'm home, just on the computer from the minute I wake up till 3 am. I'm not sure what the hell I've been doing, but it sure as hell hasn't been personal … [Read more...]

Spanx You Very Much!

Yesterday I had a funny post on the facebook page for this blog. Kari said  "So, I've decided that getting into Spanx right after a shower should count towards my daily workout. :)" It got me thinking about some of the Spanx incidents in my life. After I had my first C-section and had to go back to work every day, I purchased some high waisted granny-panty control-type thingies. I wore them every day over my underwear. Then one day I stopped wearing them. I live in Florida. I was in sales, and it's really fucking hot to wear a non-breathable nylon tourniquet thingy. Plus, they started to roll down and I would be pulling up these things all the time. Since I became heavy, I stopped … [Read more...]

My Hair Is My Shield

If anyone ever asked what my favorite feature is about myself, I would have to say it's my hair. Until yesterday, I had VERY long hair for a mom, very similar to the photo above. Almost waist length. It is my shield. I hide behind my hair, hoping people notice my hair first instead of my weight. I never wear it up, NEVER- unless I'm working out (haha, rarely) or sleeping. I also felt that without all that hair, my head would be too small for my body. But it was getting to the point that my hair was actually drawing the eye downward to my belly and hips....a place I certainly don't want eyes! And it was getting too flat on top because of all the weight, effectively making the small head … [Read more...]