Happy 2016!

2015_2016

It has been a LONG time since I have been active here! But with the first Monday of 2015, I am ready to begin this journey again. I’m actually still about 5 lbs less than when I last tracked in February 2015, thank goodness. I have been scared to weigh myself for the last 10 weeks. Today I bit the bullet and went for it. If I can’t be accountable to myself at least, I will never get anywhere.

2015 was a great year and a really bad year. My son (who is now 18) was playing in a band about 4 nights a week at various bars and restaurants. There was lots of drinking, and eating out as well as other indulgences. It was amazing to see my son play with a band that has been around for 25 years and playing as good as they do. I made a ton of new friends and got involved more in the South Florida music scene. But that came with some difficulty. My husband of 25 years became too a bit too involved in the drinking, and our marriage suffered.

By the summer of 2015, my husband moved out and I discovered a tumor on my pituitary gland at the base of my brain. Many people with pituitary tumors have weight issues as well, and I was hoping that the removal of the tumor would alleviate some of my issues. No such luck. In fact, things are a bit worse. My hormones are forever affected, and I am still having a lot of issues with recovery. They went through my nose, luckily, and did not have to shave my head. But I had the surgery in September and I’m still having a hell of a time recovering, with memory issues and sinus pain.

My son also moved away to college, and it was easy to be lazy and not care. Working at home, I will sometimes go a week without even leaving the house. So when you are in yoga pants and don’t even bother looking in the mirror, it’s easy to just sweep what’s going on under the rug. My 10 year old has suffered though. He has gotten heavier and heavier because I am just too lazy to instill healthy habits.

So today is the day. I am not feeling so great that I can make a HUGE change and start doing P90x today, but I do plan on making some changes. As soon as I finish this post, I will be taking my dog on a nice long walk instead of letting her in the backyard. I will either treadmill or walk daily. I bought the Cize DVDs and will try to start them this month after I get a little more fit.

My real goal is to TRACK. The thing I find the hardest. But I have seen the transformation of a friend of mine and I’m ready to do this.

I have been seriously thinking of the gastric band surgery. Wicked Book Weekend, the big book signing I do every year is April 23. I plan on working hard to lose a chunk of weight by then. That is the weekend I will reevaluate and see if I can do this myself or I need to resort to the surgery.

I am not looking to be skinny. But I need to feel better about myself. I cry when I look in the mirror. The self-hate is out of control, and I need to get some of that control back. I want to feel good about myself and proud of my accomplishments.

So every Monday I am going to post here with my successes and failures for the week. Maybe you can all share yours as well in comments. I also hope to have guest posts to motivate me and everyone else.

My ultimate goal is to lose about 75-80 pounds. But right now I’m starting with a 5 pound goal for the month and tracking daily and walking and drinking water every day. I’ll let you know how I did next Monday!

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