The Lies We Tell Ourselves

How often do you lie to yourself? Try to trick yourself? I can't tell you how often I step on and off then back on the scale hoping there would be a slightly different result. The other day, I forgot to wear my fitness monitor in the morning. Then had particularly vigorous sex. I was so mad that it didn't register! (What am I supposed to hook it to?) So what did I do? I stuck it in a ball of socks and ran the dryer. WTF? Who else was I tricking besides myself? I forgot about it for a bit, left in in too long and was so excited it had three lights already. Really. I did that, and somehow believed my own lie? How does that even happen? I lie to myself a lot. Like when I say I'll … [Read more...]

Motivation in my Pocket

I've mentioned my ActiveLink, right? I have got to tell you, this thing is awesome. After a week of seeing my current activity level (zero, zilch, nada), the Activelink program sets an achievable goal, to get you moving more. There are 6 lights on the active link. You need to light 4 to hit 100%. Once you light up the 4 lights, your lights do a little happy dance. I can't tell you how much I love those lights dancing! I have forgotten to put it on right away twice now, and let me tell you, I was scrambling at midnight to get those lights lit up! At first, I wished it came in black, like the fitbit, because I always wear black, and this thing is noticeable in the pocket of my shirt. … [Read more...]

My motivation is sucking

I'm working on staying motivated. I did some drinking Saturday Night, (rum and diet coke), ate pizza at a concert, and didn't count points all weekend. For Mother's Day we had my favorite, Japanese hibachi. Though it's just meat and veggies, I have no idea what else that stuff is cooked in. Monday I had a peanut butter meltdown (my weakness). You would think after last week of no loss, I would get back to trying really hard to lose weight. But it's not happening. My activelink is keeping me motivated though, and I'm committing to track every bite from today on. This is a commitment. I am going every week for 1 year minimum. I can do this, even if it's slow. Even if I have a bad day, or … [Read more...]

Super Nerd Princess Begins Her Journey

I have an unhealthy relationship with food. If this were Facebook, I’d click “It’s complicated.” I love food. I love its smell, its taste, its...ok I need to stop. Anyway, I took my kid to the park the other day and had the most brilliant idea to have my picture taken with him. Under normal circumstances, it wouldn’t be a big deal but when you’re so large you actually BLOCK THE SUN, it’s something to take into consideration. I came home and wept. Real tears. And then I ate. Why? Because food is comforting. I’m so big already, what’s the difference if I have 4 quarter pounders and a large fry? And maybe some of my son's small fry? I’m beyond help. After my self loathing concluded, I … [Read more...]

Does being an asshole make you a “cool kid”?

I'm sure by now you all know about the dickhead from Abercrombie & Fitch. “He doesn’t want larger people shopping in his store, he wants thin and beautiful people,” Lewis said. “He doesn’t want his core customers to see people who aren’t as hot as them wearing his clothing. People who wear his clothing should feel like they’re one of the ‘cool kids.’” See the article here. Funny, my kids (even my 7 year old) look at kids wearing Abercrombie and wonder if they realize it's NOT cool to wear a brand to try to BE cool. In this day and age, where bullying is getting worse and worse with all the electronic ways to bully, this asshole is just furthering the hate. As much as I'd … [Read more...]

I was a Baaaaaad Girl

I was a bit out of control with my eating this weekend. I would have been OK on Saturday if I didn't drink Saturday night. Then Sunday I went to see IronMan 3 and ate enough buttered movie theater popcorn to choke a cow. I tried to find points for the popcorn and couldn't. So sadly, I didn't even track on Sunday. But today is Monday. I'm back to being good. I'm assuming in my head that I used up my 49 points for the week and I started fresh today. Well, you know...it's Monday. I love how I can always start clean on a Monday. Thank goodness weigh-in isn't until Friday. … [Read more...]

What the Fuck is on My Face?

I'm not a kid anymore. I don't get zits often (luckily I never did), but a few times a year I get a big zit around my period. For the last few days, my upper lip has been bothering me, and today I woke up with this mambo, jumbo, three headed MONSTER on my lip!!! My whole face hurts, my mouth and mustache area are crooked, and if I could, I'd bury my head for a few days until it is gone. Or wear a sign that says "It's a zit, OK?" My 15 year old has acne. He doesn't give a crap. I do! And it hurts! It is so painful I can't fully squeeze it. Any suggestions? I was going to add a few of the zit popping videos on YouTube here, but honestly, I almost barfed up a lung when I watched one. So … [Read more...]

I’m excited!

I began this journey on Weight Watchers kind of reluctantly. Usually when I start a new diet I am so gung-ho, and all I want to do is find out HOW LONG it took everyone to lose the weight. Now I have no deadline. Just a commitment to go to meetings once per week. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to be a nice size 14. (My size 18 pants have been getting snug). I knew I had to do something. But this isn't all or nothing. Thank fuck, because I would have failed numerous times already, and given up. I love that I can eat anything, but this forces me to make the better choices. I'm still struggling with eating a lot of junk, but I am aware of what I'm eating because I have to write it … [Read more...]

Lessons From My First Week of Weight Watchers

A Dozen Thoughts About My First Week: 1: The first week of anything is easy and fun 2: I need the meetings. 3: Track Track Track, if you're not gonna track, don't bother. 4: You really can eat anything without guilt, but you may have to sacrifice other things to eat it (how many diets let you drink alcohol?) 5: The meeting leaders and staff do make a difference! When I walked in for my first weigh-in, the leader gave me a hug and asked how I did. She seemed genuinely excited to see me. The 3 women that work there are also about my age, and all have great success stories, and look phenomenal. My previous experiences had leaders that were all WAY older than me. 6: Even though I … [Read more...]

The Bra Fitting

I HATE bras. Hate them! The first chance I get I do the whip your bra off thing under my shirt. At any time, you may walk in my house and see a bra flung somewhere. So I look for comfort. But if I don't wear an underwire, my boobs look like a flat pool noodle is around me. I haven't been properly fitted for a bra since I put on 50 pounds. I was a 36 B, at my last fitting (that woman scarred me, she came into the dressing room and manhandled my boobies while stuffing me into a bra) and all I have done is increase the back size since. I am now a 40 B. Or so I thought. I have bought new bras lately that fit pretty well. So the other day, I popped in a store to get some clothes for the … [Read more...]