Happy 2016!

It has been a LONG time since I have been active here! But with the first Monday of 2015, I am ready to begin this journey again. I'm actually still about 5 lbs less than when I last tracked in February 2015, thank goodness. I have been scared to weigh myself for the last 10 weeks. Today I bit the bullet and went for it. If I can't be accountable to myself at least, I will never get anywhere. 2015 was a great year and a really bad year. My son (who is now 18) was playing in a band about 4 nights a week at various bars and restaurants. There was lots of drinking, and eating out as well as other indulgences. It was amazing to see my son play with a band that has been around for 25 years and … [Read more...]

I Hate My Body

It’s not cool. It’s not new. It’s not politically correct. And it can’t be overcome by just saying “stop!” I hate my body so much it affects every aspect of my life. I'm not "curvy", I'm fat. I can't embrace my "curves". When I was curvy (and I was--I had an hourglass figure before kids, now I am an apple) I did embrace it. Sure, I had a big butt, and some mean girls would let me know, but the guys liked it. I wasn't one of those girls like my son's ex who talks about how much she hates herself while she has pictures in a bikini all over Facebook. I always had a bit of a struggle with my weight, but as I've gotten older, weight won...and I have basically given up. Otherwise, I love my … [Read more...]

Guest Post from Starla: Learning to Love Me

My Journey: Learning to Love Me   In the summer of 2003 I found myself moving again, a military transfer with three kids and a dog. Our first stop was my best friend’s house. She’d been on her own journey struggling with weight and had recently lost some.  She owned a few bathing suits she thought might fit me, so I tried them on.  What I hadn’t realized, until that moment, was that I hadn’t seen my body in a mirror, below my neck, in years.  But there I stood in a bathing suit, in front of the full length mirror, crying. I truly saw my weight, all 207 pounds of it. That was the height of it for me. This isn’t a story just about my weight though; it’s one discovery and learning … [Read more...]

Actually Starting on Monday (Never Really Happens)

I have absolutely no motivation. This is ridiculous. I look in the mirror and I'm sickened about what I see, yet I don't do a damn thing about it! There is always a reason for me to "Start on Monday". I am by far the heaviest I've ever been. I gain weight preparing for a diet that never comes. So I decide to shove everything in my face like it's the last meal ever because I'm 'starting on Monday'. I just got back from vacation. I ate so much I actually feel my skin stretching. It doesn't matter that I walked a ton, I ate more.  I totally intended on being good this past Monday. Then I realized how many goodies I still had in the house. I had to get rid of them first, right? So as a … [Read more...]

Guest Post by R.L. Griffin: My Fat Pants Are Too Tight!

Guest Post by Author R.L. Griffin My weight is something I've thought about every single day of my life since I was 13. Although I'm excited to do this guest post, it pisses me off, because I wish I didn't have to think about my weight.  I wish that I didn't have to exercise to stay the same weight, but I do, so that's reality.  I've always been a well rounded body type.  I competed in gymnastics from the time I was 6 until the 6th grade.  I trained and practiced at least 2 hours a day every day.  I'm an athlete, always have been.  From my years of gymnastics I was muscular, very toned for my entire adolescence.  Of course, I thought I was fat.  I wasn't.  When I hit college and wasn't … [Read more...]

Guest Post: Forever Fluffy by Kari

Forever Fluffy… To hear my sister tell it – I’ve never been fat.  “You’re just fluffy” she says. I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I’ve ranged from a size 12 to a size 26.  During my younger years it was hard.  I was teased by kids in school, criticized by teachers, and had meals withheld by adults who felt I was “fat enough”.  In high school, I was ignored by almost all the boys that I had crushes on, called out by a dance teacher in an incredibly public way that caused me to stop dancing – even though I’d been doing it since I was 7 and loved it.  I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been told the dreaded “you have such a pretty face, if only you’d … [Read more...]

WTF happened to Summer?

I had such plans....I was going to do so much with the kids this summer since they only had 4 weeks of camp and 2 weeks away. That left 4 whole weeks of NOTHING. Museums, zoos, water parks, movies, the trampoline place....all the places I planned on taking them, and....didn't. At first, I was so busy planning for Wicked Book GNO, then I was getting ready for our trip, then I was catching up from our trip and planning the next Wicked Book Weekend. Nobody is complaining, but I totally feel like a crap mom. At least we shoved so much into the 2 weeks and the kids had the time of their lives, that they are completely happy. Through all of this, I have been so busy I never even went food … [Read more...]

Another Monday and I’m Eating Chocolate

Motivation? What motivation? I'm too busy to deal with the focus it takes to diet. Once again, the excuses are mounting. First, it was 3 weeks of non-stop up-all night prepping for Wicked Book GNO, then we were busy with the kids the next week, last week I didn't bother, because I knew I wouldn't stick to any diet. So once again, I'm paying for Weight Watchers and not going. Now I'm prepping to leave town for 2 weeks, following my teenage son on tour with the School of Rock Allstars, camping at a hippy festival (Gathering of the Vibes) then going to Washington DC for a few days of tourist fun. Honestly, right now I just don't give a fuck. I am what I am, and I don't have the time, … [Read more...]

Monday Motivation: Guest post- Joanne, 150 pound loser!

Howdy from Florida everyone, Former, but forever, fat girl here. My name is Joanne and I lost 157 lbs., which took 3 years (it’s been 5 years since the start of this journey).…I have since gained 17 lbs. of it back, so I’m in panic mode…so I guess now I say I lost 140 lbs.….we all know how easy it is to gain and how quickly it can spiral out of control.  I’ve been working like a whore trying to lose it. It is not easy and it’s not working.  The older you get the harder it is.  I am going back to the start to try and get on track. Here’s what I did. 1)     Went to the doctor – you have to make sure the heart can handle what you are about to do to it 2)    I went to the nutritionist – … [Read more...]

My motivation is sucking

I'm working on staying motivated. I did some drinking Saturday Night, (rum and diet coke), ate pizza at a concert, and didn't count points all weekend. For Mother's Day we had my favorite, Japanese hibachi. Though it's just meat and veggies, I have no idea what else that stuff is cooked in. Monday I had a peanut butter meltdown (my weakness). You would think after last week of no loss, I would get back to trying really hard to lose weight. But it's not happening. My activelink is keeping me motivated though, and I'm committing to track every bite from today on. This is a commitment. I am going every week for 1 year minimum. I can do this, even if it's slow. Even if I have a bad day, or … [Read more...]