Happy 2016!

It has been a LONG time since I have been active here! But with the first Monday of 2015, I am ready to begin this journey again. I'm actually still about 5 lbs less than when I last tracked in February 2015, thank goodness. I have been scared to weigh myself for the last 10 weeks. Today I bit the bullet and went for it. If I can't be accountable to myself at least, I will never get anywhere. 2015 was a great year and a really bad year. My son (who is now 18) was playing in a band about 4 nights a week at various bars and restaurants. There was lots of drinking, and eating out as well as other indulgences. It was amazing to see my son play with a band that has been around for 25 years and … [Read more...]

I Hate My Body

It’s not cool. It’s not new. It’s not politically correct. And it can’t be overcome by just saying “stop!” I hate my body so much it affects every aspect of my life. I'm not "curvy", I'm fat. I can't embrace my "curves". When I was curvy (and I was--I had an hourglass figure before kids, now I am an apple) I did embrace it. Sure, I had a big butt, and some mean girls would let me know, but the guys liked it. I wasn't one of those girls like my son's ex who talks about how much she hates herself while she has pictures in a bikini all over Facebook. I always had a bit of a struggle with my weight, but as I've gotten older, weight won...and I have basically given up. Otherwise, I love my … [Read more...]

Guest Post from Starla: Learning to Love Me

My Journey: Learning to Love Me   In the summer of 2003 I found myself moving again, a military transfer with three kids and a dog. Our first stop was my best friend’s house. She’d been on her own journey struggling with weight and had recently lost some.  She owned a few bathing suits she thought might fit me, so I tried them on.  What I hadn’t realized, until that moment, was that I hadn’t seen my body in a mirror, below my neck, in years.  But there I stood in a bathing suit, in front of the full length mirror, crying. I truly saw my weight, all 207 pounds of it. That was the height of it for me. This isn’t a story just about my weight though; it’s one discovery and learning … [Read more...]

Actually Starting on Monday (Never Really Happens)

I have absolutely no motivation. This is ridiculous. I look in the mirror and I'm sickened about what I see, yet I don't do a damn thing about it! There is always a reason for me to "Start on Monday". I am by far the heaviest I've ever been. I gain weight preparing for a diet that never comes. So I decide to shove everything in my face like it's the last meal ever because I'm 'starting on Monday'. I just got back from vacation. I ate so much I actually feel my skin stretching. It doesn't matter that I walked a ton, I ate more.  I totally intended on being good this past Monday. Then I realized how many goodies I still had in the house. I had to get rid of them first, right? So as a … [Read more...]

Guest Post by R.L. Griffin: My Fat Pants Are Too Tight!

Guest Post by Author R.L. Griffin My weight is something I've thought about every single day of my life since I was 13. Although I'm excited to do this guest post, it pisses me off, because I wish I didn't have to think about my weight.  I wish that I didn't have to exercise to stay the same weight, but I do, so that's reality.  I've always been a well rounded body type.  I competed in gymnastics from the time I was 6 until the 6th grade.  I trained and practiced at least 2 hours a day every day.  I'm an athlete, always have been.  From my years of gymnastics I was muscular, very toned for my entire adolescence.  Of course, I thought I was fat.  I wasn't.  When I hit college and wasn't … [Read more...]

Guest Post: Forever Fluffy by Kari

Forever Fluffy… To hear my sister tell it – I’ve never been fat.  “You’re just fluffy” she says. I’ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.  I’ve ranged from a size 12 to a size 26.  During my younger years it was hard.  I was teased by kids in school, criticized by teachers, and had meals withheld by adults who felt I was “fat enough”.  In high school, I was ignored by almost all the boys that I had crushes on, called out by a dance teacher in an incredibly public way that caused me to stop dancing – even though I’d been doing it since I was 7 and loved it.  I cannot even tell you how many times I’ve been told the dreaded “you have such a pretty face, if only you’d … [Read more...]

WTF happened to Summer?

I had such plans....I was going to do so much with the kids this summer since they only had 4 weeks of camp and 2 weeks away. That left 4 whole weeks of NOTHING. Museums, zoos, water parks, movies, the trampoline place....all the places I planned on taking them, and....didn't. At first, I was so busy planning for Wicked Book GNO, then I was getting ready for our trip, then I was catching up from our trip and planning the next Wicked Book Weekend. Nobody is complaining, but I totally feel like a crap mom. At least we shoved so much into the 2 weeks and the kids had the time of their lives, that they are completely happy. Through all of this, I have been so busy I never even went food … [Read more...]