Why I’m Chubby

cows_grazing

I admit it. I’m not one of those people who says “I don’t understand why I’m fat!”  I know why. I eat crap all day and don’t exercise. Plain and simple. I go on crash diets. I lose a chunk of weight but never hit goal. Then I gain it all back with interest.

Every time I start with healthy eating…number one, I have issues with number 2…haha, in other words fiber does not work in my body. Runs in the family. It makes dieting a little more challenging, but of course, EXCUSE. What else is new? Right?

Do you really want to know what my excuse is? I’m fucking lazy, and I’m happy. Yup! I’m happy! Am I happy with my body? No. I hate it. But obviously not as much as I hate not eating cookies and pizza.

Because I have an autoimmune disorder, exercise hurts.  EXCUSE. I know it’s good for me but it fucking hurts and I don’t wanna do it!!! Plain and simple. Standing hurts! And the combination of standing, sucking at cooking, and having a family that is picky as hell (especially my husband) makes take out and fast food way more common in my house than it should be….oh wait…what’s that? EXCUSE!

I start out every day (especially Mondays) with the intention of “being good” but as the fruit and veggies rot in my fridge, my spoon is in the peanut butter and I’m mindlessly eating the kid’s snacks.

I wasn’t this heavy until I stopped working. In the last 4 years that I haven’t worked at an office I’ve put on about 40 pounds. Nobody is here to see how often I wander into the kitchen. I honestly don’t eat a lot of food. I just graze on crap all day. And I’m up blogging till at least 2 am every night.

For some people it’s rich foods, big meals. For others it’s emotional eating. For some it’s chips. For me it’s grazing on crap at home all day (and loving cheese and chocolate). My husband buys the crap but can eat one cookie a day. Not me. I’ll have one of every cookie throughout the day.

(Ok, I just got up, got a water and a handful of jelly beans)

I’m waiting for the aha! Moment. The moment that makes me say fuck this. I’m done being fat, I’m gonna do this thing! Actually, I had the moment, and decided to blog my journey. By the time I got the blog started, the moment passed.  I’m hoping it comes back soon, because I would love to get to the place where I am ready to make a lifestyle change!

PS. I wrote this the other night. It’s 7:25 am and I’ve already eaten the PB & J crusts I cut off the spawn’s sandwich.

Do you have a food you just can’t even think about or you gain weight? Or a food you love and can’t stop eating?

Comments

  1. You are definitely preaching to the choir! I hear you loud and clear. One of the things I found that works for me…and I am sure you have heard it before…is baby steps…making big changes all at once with regards to health can set you up for failure even before you get started. Also sometimes waiting for an “AHA moment” isn’t always the best choice either. And I agree with you dieting sucks and 90% percent of the time never works…I think that is why lifestyle choices are better because you will be making these decision over the course of your life and not just over a short period of time. I don’t mean to sound preachy but I definitely can relate to your challenge. Mine is more I have the food part locked down but I am one of those people that has to exercise and eat right to get the desired body type I want. There isn’t one with out the other for me. Best of luck and I definitely enjoy your blog!

    • Thanks so much…it’s the little changes I’m working on now. Still waiting for the aha! to kick it up a notch. But any change is helpful at this point!

  2. I’ve got a few food addictions that even my LENT resolution couldn’t keep me from. Forgive me, Lord! I can’t even last 40 days?! I live in a one horse town in Kentucky and when Dunkin Donuts moved in right across the street from where I work last year lets just say I began a short distance love afair with vanilla creme donuts. Yummmmm. BUT as an effort to not look totally gross in a suit for Spring Break in a few weeks I have only had a couple this week and no cokes! I’ve even hit the gym with a new playlist on my Ipod that has helped get me through a good workout without really thinking about how bad it sucks to workout. I think it’s actually helping 🙂
    Ana, I hope you get another Aha moment and kick some butt!

  3. Tracy Fischer says:

    I am so with you on the Autoimmune diseases! I have mentioned before that I Grave’s Disease, which has left me without a thyroid….so….. I might as well be Scotch Taping everything on my waist and ass because that is basically what it is like. I have to try three times as hard as anyone else to lose weight and I will do good for a while…. but it so HARD to be good all the time and it only takes a weakness to totally undo everything that I have done.
    I have a bad knee and it makes exercise hurt for me too! No squats, no jumping, no running or jogging and definitely no steps! Only walking. So, I do what I can, when I can until it hurts then I STOP!!
    I had my AHA moment with smoking… just put them down. I did not want my hair smelling like smoke anymore, made me sick…. So I stopped….. Like you one day I am going to decide I don’t like my fat ass enough to just let myself starve in order to do something about it….. make it stick!
    Really enjoy your writing…. So close to home with me!

    • Thank you so much. Glad you are relating! I have thyroid issues, but not Graves. But I’m trying to make little changes now. I just downloaded my fitness pal.hopefully it will help.

  4. I can relate. I have bulging discs, arthritis, and degenerative disc disease in my back, plus a bad hip, a bad knee, and problems with my legs due to having blood clots. And I also have neuropathy and get tendonitis in my rotator cuffs and arms. I have been doing better in my eating habits and allowing myself 1day a week to have something that I really want but that wouldn’t normally be in my diet. I am trying to find a variety of exercises that I can do without too much pain and that will keep me from getting bored (I get tired of the treadmill real fast). Good luck to you all.

  5. I have used many of the same excuses…and one strongone is the same thing with fiber, it so does nothing for me 🙁 but another reason I have besides eat and not exercise, I eat out of boredom, and I also eat at my desk at work to keep myself awake!! Even though I am working and typing awaye at the comp i get tired and will actually start dozing off and the next thing you know my typing looks like thisssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss…lol so I grab a snack out of my desk and eat it because I obviously won’t fall asleep if I have something in my mouth to chew…lol

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