Can We Normalize NOT Dating?

Midlife and Not Dating: Why I’m Skipping the Grey Dating Scene

Five years. That’s how long I’ve been divorced this month. And guess what? I’m perfectly content with not dating. I know, shocker, right? People seem to assume that if you’re single, you’re out there swiping through dating apps, juggling first dates, or yearning for some rom-com-worthy romance. But honestly? I’m over here like, “Can we normalize not dating?”

Now, maybe I’m a little different from most. My ex and I had an amicable split—we still hang out sometimes so I do have occasional male company. But I have zero desire to dive back into the dating pool. I’d rather read my angsty romances than live them.

And yes, part of it has to do with the fact that my self-esteem is hanging out in the basement with my apron belly. The thought of getting naked in front of anyone else? Absolutely not. My brain goes straight to worst-case scenarios. I know myself well enough to know that I’m the type who would fall head over heels for the first guy who tells me I’m pretty. (Spoiler alert: he’s always a loser who expects me to pay his rent.)

But honestly, why would I bother? I already have an amazing social life. I’m out with friends at least twice a week, dancing to my favorite local band. The rest of the time, I savor my solitude. I eat when I want, what I want, and where I want. I sleep on my own schedule, wake up when I please, and I don’t have to answer to anyone. Bliss, right?

Sure, every once in a while, I get the random thought: “Maybe it would be nice to have someone take me out or travel with.” But then reality slaps me in the face: What would I even wear? Would he like me? Will he text back? Just thinking about it makes me want to crawl back into my shell. The truth is, I don’t need someone to travel with either. I’ve got five book signings planned for next year, all around the country, and my friends are the perfect travel companions.

And yet, every conversation somehow leads to: “So, are you dating anyone? What apps are you on?” Apps? Oh, you mean Bumble? Where the girl has to make the first move? Absolutely not. I don’t have the emotional stamina for that kind of rejection. Plus, the idea of being ghosted by a guy I like? I’d probably go full hermit mode. I’m way too sensitive to deal with that kind of scenario.

The cherry on top of this sundae? I fell into the TikTok vortex of “dating in your fifties,” and y’all—it’s a disaster zone. Beautiful, intelligent women are out here meeting all these lying losers. Let’s be real: any guy in his fifties or sixties with a little bit of money and the ability to walk upright is already with a much younger woman. The rest? They’re looking for a full-time nurse to care for their growing list of ailments, or they’re living with their mom… at 60.

Look, I was married for 35 years. And for most of that time, I walked on eggshells, wondering what I’d done wrong, only to learn later it was never about me. (Turns out, it was a him thing.) I spent years compromising on what I ate, where we went, how I lived—because he was picky, liked nothing, and was terrible at communicating.

So, here I am, 5 years single and in my second year as an empty nester, and I’m absolutely loving my freedom. Both mentally and physically. The last thing I want is to add more stress to my life by trying to date. If something organic happens? Cool. But actively hunting for a relationship through apps? That’s a hard pass for me at this time.

Peace of mind, peace in my home, and peace with myself are what I’m focused on right now. And when it comes to anything else manly I may need? Well, that’s what hiring help and a well-stocked nightstand drawer is for.