I admit it. I’m not one of those people who says “I don’t understand why I’m fat!” ?I know why. I eat crap all day and don’t exercise. Plain and simple. I go on crash diets. I lose a chunk of weight but never hit goal. Then I gain it all back with interest.
Every time I start with healthy eating…number one, I have issues with number 2…haha, in other words fiber does not work in my body. Runs in the family. It makes dieting a little more challenging, but of course, EXC– USE. What else is new? Right?
Do you really want to know what my excuse is? I’m fucking lazy, and I’m happy. Yup! I’m happy! Am I happy with my body? No. I hate it. But obviously not as much as I hate not eating cookies and pizza.
Because I have an autoimmune disorder, exercise hurts. ?EXC– USE. I know it’s good for me but it fucking hurts and I don’t wanna do it!!! Plain and simple. Standing hurts! And the combination of standing, sucking at cooking, and having a family that is picky as hell (especially my husband) makes take out and fast food way more common in my house than it should be….oh wait…what’s that? EXC– USE!
I start out every day (especially Mondays) with the intention of “being good” but as the fruit and veggies rot in my fridge, my spoon is in the peanut butter and I’m mindlessly eating the kid’s snacks.
I wasn’t this heavy until I stopped working. In the last 4 years that I haven’t worked at an office I’ve put on about 40 pounds. Nobody is here to see how often I wander into the kitchen. I honestly don’t eat a lot of food. I just graze on crap all day. And I’m up blogging till at least 2 am every night.
For some people it’s rich foods, big meals. For others it’s emotional eating. For some it’s chips. For me it’s grazing on crap at home all day (and loving cheese and chocolate). My husband buys the crap but can eat one cookie a day. Not me. I’ll have one of every cookie throughout the day.
(Ok, I just got up, got a water and a handful of jelly beans)
I’m waiting for the aha! Moment. The moment that makes me say fuck this. I’m done being fat, I’m gonna do this thing! Actually, I had the moment, and decided to blog my journey. By the time I got the blog started, the moment passed. ?I’m hoping it comes back soon, because I would love to get to the place where I am ready to make a lifestyle change!
PS. I wrote this the other night. It’s 7:25 am and I’ve already eaten the PB & J crusts I cut off the spawn’s sandwich.
Do you have a food you just can’t even think about or you gain weight? Or a food you love and can’t stop eating?