When I go out, I am friendly and even talk to strangers. When I’m in a group where the audience or class is asked a question, I will yell out the answer. So when I tell people who see me in public situations that I’m actually an introvert, they think I need my head examined.
I am NEVER bored. I’m a reader, so a book will always entertain me. I am very happy to leave my house no more than once per week, and though I’m friendly and try to be fun in social situations, I’m exhausted after.
My happy place is home with my pets and my computer and kindle. I’m social online, where I don’t think people are judging me to my face, but going out and seeing real people is just tiring to me. Online, I can comment and move on. In-person I have to make small talk. I am also way better with a group of strangers than with peers.
I don’t ever make the first move in a friendship. I may try once to get together with someone, but with my self-esteem issues, I have trouble trying again. So making friends is a whole other issue (I have a bunch of posts on mid-life friendships that are half-written that I want to make into a series). But for now, let’s discuss the extroverted-introvert (or ambivert) more.
Here are some signs you may be an Extroverted Introvert:
1: You are selectively social:
You don’t maintain a big in-person friend group, it just takes too much energy, but you save your energy for a few close relationships that matter. Toxic or difficult people completely drain you.
2: You prefer to organize the event:
This way you can create the social plans on your own terms, the place, the time, the people and the activities.
3: You don’t get lonely or bored:
You crave alone time and you don’t get bored or lonely by yourself.
4: You need time between social events:
You need recharge time between events. A 3-day event can exhaust you for weeks.
I love my family. They are all in town this week and we have plans every day and night and it’s totally stressing me out. It’s just too much for me, though in my mind, I don’t want to miss a thing.
5: You make connections and friends that may not last:
When you are in extrovert mode, you make new friends with the intention of doing “all the things” with them. But once back in your daily routine, you have a hard time reconnecting with them or find them too demanding and they just fade away.
6: You enjoy social situations, even big groups:
You don’t even mind being the center of attention for a bit. But you need to recharge for a while between events. You can only be “on” for so long, and you need to psych yourself up for these events.
7: You like to make decisions on your own but with help:
You will ask and often rely heavily on close friend/family opinions, but ultimately make the decision yourself.
8: You change your mind at the last minute:
You can be so excited about the party or the event for months, but at the last minute, it’s like torture to get yourself to leave the house.
9: You’re in your head even when out with others:
You try to be engaged with the outside world but your mind tends to overanalyze everything and you often get stuck in your own head.
10: You have FOMO:
Your Fear Of Missing Out is strong. You want to be invited to the social stuff, you just don’t like to commit.
In doing a little bit of research for this post, I came upon a study from a professor at Wharton. First, he found that the statistical relationship between extroversion and income was basically zero. Then he conducted a study of 300 salespeople. You would think extroverts would be the best, right? Nope. Ambiverts pulled in 24% more revenue than introverts and a crazy 32% more than extraverts!
“The ambivert advantage stems from the tendency to be assertive and enthusiastic enough to persuade and close, but at the same time, listening carefully to customers and avoiding the appearance of being overly confident or excited,” Adam Grant (the professor) said.
As a former award-winning advertising sales associate, I 100% agree with this assessment!
I’m sure we all have qualities of both introverts and extroverts. But some people definitely lean one way or the other. My sister is a perfect example of an extrovert. She has multiple plans with different people every single day. She has a huge group of friends and a ton of energy. She’s on the tennis team, plays pickleball, golf and canasta, and has dinner plans every night because she reaches out to everyone. Her life looks EXHAUSTING to me, but I often wish I had that as well. Her husband is the exact opposite. He gets dragged along with her plans but she often gets upset because he wants to leave early or not go at all.
Tell me, do you lean one way or the other? How many of these traits describe you? Is your spouse the same or different?
I’m Ana. I’ve been blogging about books at Ana’s Attic Book Blog for 10 years and I started this site because basically “I’ll start Monday” is my mantra. I’m in my mid-fifties, recently divorced, with two boys, one who is still at home. I’m great at starting diets…for a few weeks, but the weight always comes back and brings friends. My recent remodel has sparked a love of interior design and I love to help others with their homes.