Getting Old Sucks

The Side Effects No One Told Me

This morning I was putting on my makeup about 45 minutes after I got up and noticed the sheet marks still creasing half of my face. A few years back, they would be gone after my first morning pee. Today they were still there when I left the house. Luckily my long hair covered most of it because I looked disfigured. As I am struggling to lose weight, I do worry about my skin not bouncing back. I have seen people who lose weight look much older, and when people tell me I don’t look even close to my age, I know it’s just my fat plumping out those wrinkles.

Yesterday I trimmed and refreshed the purple in my hair. My hair grazed my ass when it was wet, and recently my husband asked when I’d be cutting it to be more age appropriate. Fuck that. I’m 51. I’ll be age appropriate when I’m dead. He’s just bald and jealous! I have not had to color my hair yet, and I am still plucking the greys that come in, but they will soon get past the point of plucking. So now I put purple on my whole head, not just the pre-bleached ends. I figure my few silver hairs would be purple tinsel now. Do I feel too old for purple hair? Not yet, and I hope I never do.

Glasses. OMG, losing my sight as I age has been one of the worst parts of aging. I had amazing vision, 20/15 (I still have great distance vision), but I went from needing 1.0 strength reading glasses occasionally when I was 45 to now I am between 1.25 and 1.5 and I feel like I can’t do a thing without them. As someone that never wore glasses, visual impairment is so annoying. I can’t even eat without them! I used to be able to make the type on my Kindle for iPhone big enough to read in bed at night without glasses, because who wants to lay on their side with glasses hurting their nose? Last night I realized I just couldn’t make the type big enough without having like 3 words per page and had to get out of my cozy bed for glasses. I also must admit, I have at least 50 pair of glasses (no exaggeration, it’s kind of an obsession) floating around my house, yet they are never near me when I need them. Add dry eyes to the vision issues, and I have sad eyes.

I have one bright white eyebrow hair. I pluck it, and it grows back IN FULL a week later. How does that happen? I go to bed with no hair at all and wake up and it sprouted to the same length as all my eyebrow hairs. Well last week I found 2 more. I also randomly find hairs growing out of weird places and now I’m so paranoid I can’t see them (remember, glasses?) but they are there, like a 3-inch long hair on my cheek you can only see in certain lights. WTF?

Makeup changes as well! The Clinique foundation I have used my whole life is now cakey and I haven’t been able to find a good replacement. My eyelids have gotten hooded so I have to put on eyeshadow differently, and it kind of “skips” as it goes on, like if you put powder on a hand fan then opened it. Even eyeliner doesn’t go on as smoothly. And my magnifying mirror now works like a regular mirror because I can’t put on eye makeup with glasses.

At 51 I have also begun menopause, but that shitshow and all the changes that come with it is a fun subject for next week. Don’t get me wrong, getting old doesn’t really suck, I hope I get really old. It’s just those damn side effects that ruin it.


PS: If you read last week’s post about the exercise wake-up call, I am proud to say I hit my steps and exercise goals all week!


  1. I can’t believe you are 51!!! WHAAAAAT??? I have seen photos of you on Facebook and you are gorgeous. I never would have guessed you were over 35. Plus, at 51 you only have a few greys? I’m 40 and have to color! I’m so jealous.


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