To hear my sister tell it ? I?ve never been fat.? ?You?re just fluffy? she says.
I?ve struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember.? I?ve ranged from a size 12 to a size 26.? During my younger years it was hard.? I was teased by kids in school, criticized by teachers, and had meals withheld by adults who felt I was ?fat enough?.? In high school, I was ignored by almost all the boys that I had crushes on, called out by a dance teacher in an incredibly public way that caused me to stop dancing ? even though I?d been doing it since I was 7 and loved it.? I cannot even tell you how many times I?ve been told the dreaded ?you have such a pretty face, if only you?d lose some weight?.
I could have let all that shit get into my head.? But sometime during my high school years, I chose not to.? In part, because I have an incredible family.? My mom, being the fierce mama bear that she is, has gone to war with the countless assholes that have criticized me over the years ? especially that stupid bitch dance teacher!? (No, I?m not still bitter about that?and that?s what?s important, right?)? Mom always told me that if these people couldn?t see how beautiful I am, both inside and out, that it?s their loss.
And you know what?? It really is their fucking loss.? I don?t have the time or the patience for stupid, shallow people who judge a woman by her weight.? That?s not to say that my feelings don?t get hurt when someone says something asshole-ish.? I?m human and incredibly sensitive and emotional.? I will cry my eyes out and when I?m done I?ll make plans to punch said asshole in the throat.
I started Weight Watchers one week after Ana and have lost over 20 pounds.? I?m feeling healthier than I have in a long time but it?s still a struggle.? It seems like I lose weight 3 out of 4 weeks a month ? because some days I just need some fucking chocolate.? And pizza.? And French fries.? I?m trying not to focus on how many pounds I lose, just eating healthier most days.? Being on WW with my husband has also stopped the ?what do you want to eat?I don?t know, what do you want to eat? conversation that I was having with my husband three times a day which always resulted in us eating something from a fast food restaurant.
For the most part, I?m comfortable in my own skin.? Like most women though, I have one part of my body that I absolutely hate.? It?s what I refer to as ?The Beak?.? It?s the part of my first fat roll that sticks out just a little more than the rest of the roll ? right in the center of my body.? It comes to a rounded point and it disturbs me greatly.? Thank God for SPANX ? the best invention ever! ? because they suck in all the icky parts and smooth everything out.? I hope that with this whole getting healthy thing that The Beak will go away.
The Beak aside, my favorite part of losing weight is shopping for new clothes.? It?s also my husband?s least favorite part of me losing weight ? though he never complains because it makes me happy.? I like shopping at Lane Bryant.? I love their modern, fun, bright, form fitting clothes.? They make me feel confident and beautiful.? Though, for the record, I?m a firm believer in just because they make it in my size doesn?t mean I should be wearing it.? I mean ? short shorts with chub rub?? Not attractive.
I know I?m never going to be skinny.? I?m comfortable with the fact that I?m going to be forever fluffy.
Do you have a particular part of your body that you hate?? Do you have a name for it?? If so, share in the comments.? It?s always nice to know that I?m not alone in being weird by naming a part of my fat roll.? And if I am alone, I?m ok with being weird.
I am a wife, business owner, doggie mom, and a lover of all foods that are bad for you.? In my spare time I avoid exercise like the plague, read all the smut I can one-click, start and stop work on a book I?ve been writing for 19 years (one of these days I?ll actually finish it?maybe), and travel on cruise ships to beautiful places with my husband.